No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I party with great urgency now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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