by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
