I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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