the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
