he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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