the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
