dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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