I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
