when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
