I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
