and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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