You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
