I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
