the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
