You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
