haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
