You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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