pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
