I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
