god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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