its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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