For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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