dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
