I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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