there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
