Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
