Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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