Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
