I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
