its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
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