Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
