I have demons in me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
