Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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