A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
