my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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