drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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