Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
