3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
