Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
COCAINE IS GR8
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
