I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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