i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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