I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
there's paper in my vomit.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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