He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
