oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
