I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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