While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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