Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
