It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
