Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
