So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
