We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
