listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
