shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
