I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
