i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
