I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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