Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
