Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
