If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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