We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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