fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
