I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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