1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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