whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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