I just saw a hot homeless man
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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