Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
